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April 30, 2009

The Other Stall



This could happen to you!


I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying:
'Hi, how are you?'


I'm not the type to start a conversation in the restroom. I don't know what got into me, but I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine!'

And the other person says:
'So what are you up to?'


What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say:
'Uhhh, I'm like you, just sitting here.'


At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question:
'Can I come over?'


Ok, this question is just too weird for me. I figured I could politely end the conversation. I say:
'No........I'm a little busy right now!!!'


Then I hear the person say, nervously:
'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!'



Loved it!!
It happens only in INDIA







Aur abb presenting INDIAN TITANIC...

Husband's Intelligence
---------------------------------

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband.

Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my
GOD!

You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD!
WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They're going to STICK! Careful ...
CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!

Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them.
Use the salt.
USE THE SALT!
THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him.
"What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied,
"I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm
driving.

April 26, 2009

DOCUMENTS, FILES AND FOLDERS
EASILY ACCESS WORK FILES ON A HOLIDAY
Do you often email stuff home, or copy files on disk drives so you can continue with your research/study/work from different locations? Then this is a service you could explore.Office Live Workspace is a new and free service launched by Microsoft. It is a web-based extension to Microsoft Office. Essentially you can have your own free online workstation of sorts where you can save more than 1,000 files such as Word, Excel and PowerPoint, to up to 500 MB of space. You can also password protect your documents and Microsoft claims that the workspace is secure. And of course you can access this database from wherever you are so long as you have Internet connectivity. You can also share your files with co-workers, classmates, friends and family, turning it into a collaboration platform for sharing information, brainstorming ideas, coordinating group projects and editing each others' work.So if you are planning on a holiday, think you may need to do some work, but don't want to lug any discs or your laptop with you, just log on to http://workspace.officelive.com/ and work online!
DELETING UNWANTED FILES IN MS-WORD
Go to file menu, select open and then select the file you want to delete. If you prefer the keyboard, you can press the delete key. But you can use the mouse too, by clicking right and selecting delete in the menu.But what if you want to delete several files at one go? Here’s what you do: To delete files in a sequence: with your mouse, left click on the file you want to start with. After that press shift and without releasing the key take the mouse to the last file and left click again. The whole sequence of files will get selected. To delete files in random: left click on the first file and then press the control key. Don’t release the key until you have selected all the files that you want to delete (by using the left click of the mouse once again).
COPYING LONG FILES
Trying to copy a long file/message that’s come in your email or something that you’ve spotted on the net? You might often have the problem of dragging your mouse from the top of the file to the bottom only to lose control and the selection each time. Instead just select a small portion of the file or message, and click right; the menu bar that comes up will have an option that says select all. Click on this option and your entire file will get selected. Right click again, and select copy.
DOUBLE LINKING – MS-Word & Excel in one file!
We often work in two applications, and that’s when we want changes made in one application to be made in the other, too. So if you’re, say, working in Word and Excel, is it possible to make a table that will appear identical in both applications, even though you are using only one? Yes it is. Here’s how. You first create the table in Excel, and then copy and paste it into the Word window. BUT WHEN PASTING, REMEMBER TO GO TO THE `PASTE SPECIAL’ DIALOG BOX, AND PASTE THE TABLE AS A MICROSOFT EXCEL WORKSHEET OBJECT. THEN CLICK ON THE BUTTON TO MAKE IT A PASTELINK OPERATION. Then click on OK. So now when you decide to edit the table in word, the Excel file will pop up. And that’s where you will make the changes. And if you choose to make the changes in the Excel document, those changes will automatically appear in the Word file. This is known as double linking data between two applications.

DOCUMENTS, FILES AND FOLDERS
Exporting Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 Favorites
Wouldn’t you like to have all your Microsoft Internet Explorer 6 Favorites nicely organized on a local Web page? To do this, you can run Microsoft Internet Explorer and choose File Import and Export. When the Import/Export wizard opens, click Next. Click Export Favorites and then click Next. This next page should display your Favorites folder. If you wish to choose another folder, this is the time to make your choice. Click Next to continue. You can now accept the default folder of My Documents and the file name, Bookmarks.htm, or you can select a new folder and type in a new name. Click Next to save the file and then click Finish to close the wizard. Rename Microsoft Internet Explorer Favorites When you save a URL into the Microsoft Internet Explorer Favorites folder, the names often are very long and somewhat cryptic. However, it's not much of a problem to change those names to something more meaningful. Just choose Favorites to open the folder. Now right-click a URL that you want to change and choose Rename. Type in the new name and press Enter.
AN EASY WAY TO LOCATE FILES
If you are using Microsoft Windows and cannot locate a file, don’t panic. Just click on the start menu and click on `Find’ option in the menu. You can key in the name of the file, and the software will locate the folder in which it is located and display the same to you. If you cannot remember what you called the file, there is still no need to panic. In the `Find’ dialogue box there is an option called `Advanced’. Select that. The dialogue box that opens now allows you to key in the text matter of the file (use key words that you would typed in the file) and locates all the files, and the folders in which they are located for you.
SAVING SEVERAL FILES AT THE SAME TIME
Do you often work in several windows at the same time? Then here's a tip that will be quite useful for you. Did you know that it is possible to save all of these open documents at the same time? When you try to save a single open window, then as you select the FILE menu, you get a `Save' and a `Save As' option. To save all open documents, all you need to do is to hold down the `SHIFT' on your key board and then click `Save All' that will now appear in your FILE menu. MS Word saves all open documents and templates at the same time. If any open documents have never been saved, the Save As dialog box appears so that you can name them.
Arranging Folders In Windows
Have you been moving files in your computer to particular folder(s) frequently? Isn't it a boring chore to copy and paste these over and over? But here is a simple way to stash away important files in a folder robbing the task of its monotony.Let us presume that you have downloaded MP3s from the Net and want to arrange that vast treasure in a single folder. You do not have to cut and paste these into a folder every time you download them. Instead create a shortcut to that favourite folder (say 'MP3 folder') as a Send To item.To do this: right-click on the 'MP3' folder and select 'Copy'.Then select C:\Windows\Sendto. Right-click and click on 'Paste Shortcut'. Voila!Now if you ever need to move any MP3 file from any folder to this 'MP3' folder, all you have to do is right-click on the file, then select `Send To' 'Shortcut to MP3 folder'.You can use this method for any category of files that need to be stored in a particular folder.


DOCUMENTS, FILES AND FOLDERS
Protecting Your Word Document
Remember writing your first love letter, saving it for your sweetheart and then one day...boom, your dad gets to peep into it... just by chance!This is just one of the many reasons why one must always protect word documents, after all unauthorized access does not leave behind pleasant memories.Incidentally, Microsoft Word provides users with password protect to guard documents from unauthorized ingress.Follow these simple steps to protect your documents: •Open the document and click on the `save as' option in the file menu.•Click on `general' option in Tools menu .•Key in your password in the `password to open' box and click OK.•This saves the document from unauthorized editing too.•Click on `save' .So the next time you create a word document, make sure you lock for it for safety's sake, else daddy dearest could be sharing words with you...on Valentines' Day.
SAVE A WEB PAGE AS A WORD DOCUMENT
Often you might be copying a web page when you find an interesting piece of information. What you might not be comfortable with is waiting for a browser to open up every time you want to view this page. So long as the web page is in HTM (this applies even for web pages that you yourself might have created) you can save the Web page as a Word document. Open the Web page in Word and click Save As from the File menu. In the File name box, type a new name for the document. In the Save as type box, click Word Document and then choose Save.
Password Protecting Files
Most of you would know that any basic word document, excel sheet, etc. can be password protected when you save it. If you don’t, then, when you save a file look for Options in the dialogue window that opens up. You will find a `password to open’ and a `password to modify option’. If you want to be double careful, you can set different passwords for both. Or, you may even skip the `password to modify’ option. You can be rest assured that no one other than you will access the file.


DOCUMENTS, FILES AND FOLDERS
Egad! I Did Something I Should Not Have
Did you just move, copy, rename, or delete something you shouldn't have? Not a problem. Windows allows you to undo your most recent action. Right-click the desktop or window (wherever you made the mistake) and select the Undo command. Alternatively, press Ctrl-Z, or, from inside a window, select Edit, Undo..
Lost Everything That I Worked On!!
How many times has this happened to you? Believe us it happens to many. You never know which wrong key was pressed and several hours of hard work seems to have disappeared. Unless your machine has a major virus attack or a hardware problem (such as insufficient memory) you can always retract this unsaved data. Just press CTRL and `Z' together in order to undo the last action. Or go to the Edit tool bar, let the full menu drop down and select the undo or redo options to get your unsaved work back. But as a practise, also keep saving your work as often as possible.
To Avoid Deleting Files Twice Over
For a PC-user who loves working in a clutter free environment, and does a clean up of files regularly, nothing is more annoying then emptying the recycle bin, or the delete folder of the mailbox where the files already deleted once sit pretty. Of course, these folders are lifesavers when you did away something you needed. But when you are doubly sure that you just won’t need what you are looking at, select the file/email message and then use Shift+Delete button. The command helps you get rid of files permanently. And don’t worry, you do get a message asking for confirmation that you want to permanently delete the message. This will help to ensure that you do not get rid of useful files.


DOCUMENTS, FILES AND FOLDERS
Merging The Work Done In Two Applications
We often work in two applications, and that’s when we want changes made in one application to be made in the other, too. So if you’re, say, working in Word and Excel, is it possible to make a table that will appear identical in both applications, even though you are using only one? Yes it is. Here’s how. You first create the table in Excel, and then copy and paste it into the Word window. BUT WHEN PASTING, REMEMBER TO GO TO THE `PASTE SPECIAL’ DIALOG BOX, AND PASTE THE TABLE AS A MICROSOFT EXCEL WORKSHEET OBJECT. THEN CLICK ON THE BUTTON TO MAKE IT A PASTELINK OPERATION. Then click on OK. So now when you decide to edit the table in word, the Excel file will pop up. And that’s where you will make the changes. And if you choose to make the changes in the Excel document, those changes will automatically appear in the Word file. This is known as double linking data between two applications.
Sending Word Document Content through Fax.
Open the word document, which you need to send through Fax. From the file menu select WinFax. This will open WinFax Pro Send Menu. Fill in the following details before sending.In To field: Type the persons NameIn Number field: Type the fax number of the person to whom you are sending. In case of national call Fax, put the STD code also. Do not include any dash "-" or brackates "()".Put your company and subject Line & the content of the cover page. In case of no cover page, just select no cover page from the drop down menu.Insure that your modem is configured for winFax. Send the document by pressing send button.
To Restore A File From Recycle Bin
To undelete a file from the recycle bin do the followings:•Double click on the recycle bin from the icon from the desktop.•Name of the deleted file, original location, date of deletion and the type of file is mentioned. (This should help you figure out which file it is, if you remember the day when you deleted the files!)•Select the file, which you wish to undelete.•Right click the file that you wish to undelete.From the menus, choose restore. The file will be automatically restored in the folder where it was located earlier.
Renaming a File
Here are three ways in which you can do it:•Click on the icon you want to remain. Now click on the text portion. Your curson will be placed within the text cell when you do this, and you can rename a file. Make sure the extention (.doc or .xls is added to the name). Then press enter.•Select the icon, press F2, then edit. Right-click on an icon, select Rename, and then edit.

more

BOOTING TIPS
Partition The Hard Disk For Faster Booting
When partitioning the hard disk see to it that the primary windows partitionis kept at a minimum of around 2-3 Gb. Then while installing other software install it in the other partitions. This reduces the data on the windows drive and startup time can be reduced to a great extent.
Boot Your PC In Minutes
Tired of the long hours you have to wait for the system to boot (Windows users, are you listening?) Well, the good news is that you can now do it in minutes (to some extent).As far as possible, try to keep the Autoexec.bat and config.sys files empty. (The system doesn't really need them unless you have a device with a third-party driver that needs to add a file to autoexec.bat). Well in most cases, these files can be kept empty.If you are using Windows 98, by adding the line Stacks=0,0 to the config.sys file, you can speed up the kernel.When you start the PC, enter the CMOS setup utility by pressing the Del key (this key can vary for different systems).Go to the BIOS features setup and change the 'Boot Up System Speed' to 'High'. This bypasses certain stages in the boot sequence each time you start the PC thus speeding up the process.
Quick Warm Boot
When you choose to restart your computer from the Shut Down menu, the computer performs what is called the Warm Boot Process. Holding down the Shift key when clicking the YES option saves the booting time.

BOOTING TIPS

Quick DOS Boot
If you want to get to a DOS prompt when starting your computer, you probably press F8 when you see the Starting Windows 95 message, wait for the menu to appear, and choose the Command prompt only option. Here's a shortcut: Press Alt+F5 instead (at the Starting Windows 95 message), and you'll go directly to a command prompt.
Day Planner on Booting the Machine
There are plenty of day-planning software available in the market to help you remember all your contacts. Unfortunately, most of them either makes the computer system slow or are very complicated to use. Here’s an easier (and cheaper) way out. Make a note of reminders in a .txt file in the notepad. Put all the required things like contact numbers, timings, contact persons etc in the .txt file. Just copy the txt file in a c:\windows\start menu\programs folder. That's all. Whenever you boot the machine, the txt file will open on its own. Whenever you boot the machine, the txt file will open automatically. So, you will have the full details of the meetings in a file that opens in front of you. Edit the file & save the changes to keep it updated. You can even use a MS-Word or Excel file for this purpose!!
For Faster Booting
It can get pretty frustrating waiting for the machine to boot especially when you are in a hurry to access something. Here’s a pretty slick way to ensure faster booting. Click on start, choose run and type msconfig. a screen will pop up. Click the startup tab on this screen. Now you will see a list of programs that launch automatically when your system starts. You can now choose the programs you actually want your system to launch when it first starts up. It is highly recommended that you disable programs that you know you don't use everyday such as Realplayer, Microsoft Office FindFast (especially,Findfast because it really doesn't do anything). The aim of this exercise is to save plenty of memory and help your system boot that much faster by keeping the system tray as empty as possible. Remember that all rarely or lesser used applications can be manually started. With effort you can get a boot up time of less than 45 seconds.

some more tips 4r u

SYSTEM UPGRADATION BLUES
Those upgrading their Systems to Windows 98 might have noticed that the new OS (Operating System) does not support functionality of certain programs or peripherals (Such as scanners). This is because Win 98 overwrites newer DLLs with the older ones that may be incompatible with the original program. DLL files are used to communicate between software & the relevant hardware. For eg. A printer cannot work on it's own. It needs DLL files to communicate between itself and the PC. If this happens with you then do note that there is a way to retrieve those DLL files. From Start Menu select Programme, then Accessories, and in that System Tools, and in this final menu select System Information Next, from Microsoft System Information Window that opens up, select tools from the menu bar and choose Version Conflict Manager. This will open a list of overwritten files listing names & version numbers. Select the ones you need to restore.
Quicker Way To Delete Files
Every time you try to delete a file, the Dialog Box asking you for a confirmation of the Delete command opens up. This can be a real pain when you are sure that you want to delete the file and moreover have many files to get rid off. You can however get rid of this confirmation dialogue box that pops up every time. Right click on the Recycle Bin icon. Under the properties look for the General tab. Uncheck the option "Display delete confirmation dialog box". Delete confirmation will not trouble you next time.
My Machine Is Very Slow
It can be pretty frustrating when your machine slows down drastically. Closing and opening of files becomes a problem, and applications work slowly, if they work at all. If your machine is very slow it does not always mean that you have a slow or outdated processor. Applications can slow down for other reasons too. One could be that you are trying to run too many applications at the same time. For instance, you could be working on too many windows, or have 2-3 browser windows open at the same time, or have a mail download happening, even as you are surfing or have a couple of word documents open, etc. If this is the case, work on fewer applications and close a couple of windows. The other reason for the slowness could be that there is very little free disk space, in which case you need to clean up your system of old and redundant files or increase your hard disk space. If both these do not help, then you need to increase the RAM capacity of your machine, upgrade your hard disk or, of course, move to a faster processor.

FASTER PROCESSES

SPEED UP MS WORD WITH SHORTCUTS
Thinking of catching up on your correspondence or maybe getting started on that Booker Prize winner? Here are a couple of useful shortcuts that everyone needs to know to make MS Word easier and less time consuming! Ctrl + F – Allows you to search for specific words in a documentCtrl + H – Allows you to find a word and replace with another throughout the fileWindows (icon) + D – Minimizes all your windows to show you your desktop Ctrl + C – Copies a selectionCtrl + V – Pastes a selectionCtrl + S /F12 – Saves your word file Shift + F3 – Changes the case of the selected text Ctrl + O – Opens a file Ctrl + D – Opens up the font settings in your word fileCtrl + K – Turns selection into a hyperlinkCtrl + A – Selects all the text in the word fileCtrl + P – Prints the documentCtrl + Z – Undoes whatever you’ve just typed or formattedCtrl + X – Cuts the text you’ve selected for you to paste elsewhere Ctrl + N – Opens a new word fileCtrl + W – Closes the word file Memorizing shortcuts may take some getting used to, so start with aiming to use one or two a day. Gradually, you will find them getting stored in your memory and your work will get much faster too.
DISABLE UNNECESSARY BACKGROUND PROGRAMS
What’s Running In The BackgroundMany programs install themselves so they launch automatically at Windows start-up. Whether you need them or not, they're using memory and CPU cycles. Windows 98, Me, and XP users can disable unnecessary background programs using the Startup tab of the MSCONFIG program, which you can launch from the Start menu's Run dialog. Windows 2000 users will need a third-party tool, such as PC Magazine's Startup Cop utility.Disabling anything listed in either MSCONFIG or Startup Cop should be safe. But keep in mind that if you disable the system tray, you'll lose the clock and volume control in the system tray. Also, one or more instances of LoadPowerProfile or TweakUI do no harm, because they don't remain in memory.Identify Cryptic ProcessesYou can see what's currently running on your system by launching the Task Manager by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del. In Windows 98 and Me, you will see a simple list of active applications. Windows XP and 2000 will also list all active processes along with their memory usage and CPU time. Don't worry if the System Idle process seems to be hogging the CPU; all unused CPU cycles are assigned to this process.Use Windows HelpIf you have a problem with your computer, don't call for tech support right away. Select Help from the Start menu and enter the search term troubleshooters in the Index tab. If the Help system doesn't have a trouble-shooter for your particular problem, try searching on other terms related to the problem.Capture Error MessagesMany computer problems involve error messages, and it's essential to record the precise wording of these messages. In Windows 2000 and XP, pressing Ctrl+C will copy most error messages to the Clipboard. Launch Notepad, paste a copied message, and save it. Under Windows 98 and Me (or when Ctrl+C doesn't work), type the exact text of the message into Notepad for reference. (You can also take a screenshot of the error message by hitting Alt+, which copies the screen image to the Clipboard, and then opening Paint and pasting the image into a blank file. You now have a picture of the error message.) When copying or reporting an error message, you can omit the interminable lists of numbers found at the end of some message boxes.
SEVEN STEPS TO PREVENT PC EYE STRAIN…
Computer eyestrain is the number one office-related health complaint, but there are lots of things workers and employers can do to reduce what is called Computer Vision Syndrome (CVS). Your vision can affect your body by developing a harmful condition called as presbyopia. This means for people in their forties or older, the computer screen gets a little fuzzy, even with glasses. The following list of tips will help you to minimize your eye-strain while working on your computer.Adjust the brightness of Computer Screen: Eyestrain is often caused by excessively bright light coming in from outside and excessively bright light inside. When you use a computer, your ambient lighting should be about half that used in most offices. Also adjust the monitor to make sure the contrast between the screen background and the on-screen characters is high.Blink more often: While working at your computer you tend blink five times less than what you actually blink. Blinking is very important when working at a computer — it moistens your eyes to avoid dryness and irritation. Try this exercise: Every 30 minutes blink 10 times by closing your eyes as if falling asleep (very slowly). This will help decrease the dryness in your eyes.Distance and Position: Place your computer monitor 18-30 inches from your eyes. If you are seated near an air vent or draft, try to eliminate the flow of air in front of your eyes.Exercise to stretch your eyes: Look away from your computer screen every 30 minutes, and focus for 5-10 seconds on a distant object outside or down the hallway. Another exercise to readjust your focus is to look far away at an object for 10-15 seconds and then near for 10-15 seconds. Both these exercises will help you prevent strained near vision and stretch your focusing muscles. Anyone in a deskbound job, especially those using computers, should stand up, move about, or exercise their arms, legs, back, neck, and shoulders frequently.Modification of work station: Adjust your workstation and chair to the correct height. Purchase ergonomic furniture to insure proper screen locations and posture. In case you need to look back and forth between a printed page and your computer screen, this can cause eyestrain. Place written pages on a copy stand adjacent to the monitor. Properly light the copy stand; you may want to use a desk lamp, but make sure it doesn't shine into your eyes or onto the computer screen.Frequent Breaks: It is mandatory to take a 10-minute break every hour to reduce eyestrain problems. However, if you feel the need to take more breaks, it may be an indication that you are suffering from computer vision syndrome. Make sure you get enough sleep (approximately 8 hours per night) to avoid eyestrain.Accessories: Use an anti-glare screen to protect your eyes from the glare of the monitor. Always wear sunglasses when it is bright outside. Have an anti-reflective coating applied to your glasses. This will prevent glare and reflections on the back side of your lenses from reaching your eyes. For significant problems you can consult your doctor about artificial tears or eye drops that you can use during the day. This can indeed make your eyes look better with vasoconstrictors that reduce the size of the blood vessels in your eyes.
CREATE A QUICK ROUTE TO OPEN FLOPPY/DISC DRIVES
Getting into the floppy drive generally means an impatient wait for the drive to open up, and then selecting or saving your file. In Windows 95 & 98 you can create a short cut to these drives. Click on My Computer (keep it open as a smaller window so that you can still see your desktop), click and drag your floppy drive icon out to the desktop, and release the mouse button. Alternatively just right click on the `a’ drive icon and select `create shortcut’ on the menu bar that appears. When you do either of these, the computer will ask if you want a short cut on the desktop. Click yes. The next time you want to view the contents of a floppy, just double-click your new shortcut on the desktop and you're in.
CREATE A SHORTCUT BAR
Did you know that you could replace your MS Office icons on the desktop with the Office Shortcut Bar? Well, if you’re wondering why on earth would somebody want to do such a thing, here are three good reasons. One, you can make more room for your desktop icons. Two, the toolbar gives you access (at a single click) to all your Office applications, making desktop shortcuts to them unnecessary. Three, this shortcut bar is accessible without you having to go to the desktop every time. In other words, the short cut bar is visible while you are working on any application. Here’s how you do it: Go to the Start Menu, click on Program Files, and then select Window’s Explorer. In the fresh menu that appears, select Program, then the Microsoft Office folder. Then select the Microsoft Office Shortcut Bar, and click on it. You can customize the toolbar that is created by right clicking on the four-coloured box in the upper left corner, and selecting Customize. Include or exclude any program that you want on the shortcut bar.
DELETE WORDS IN A JIFFY
The Delete and Backspace keys are the ones you use when deleting stuff you don't want. But you could save a lot of time by just deleting full words instead of getting rid of them character by character. Here's how you do it: in Microsoft Word, press Ctrl and then Backspace to delete the word to the left of your cursor. To erase the word to the right of the cursor, hit Ctrl and Delete. Now isn't that faster. Of course, if you delete words that you actually need inadverdently, you can always use the Undo function